Ep. #55: Negative Judgments

Negative Judgments are ill-considered opinions that are formed quickly, and held dearly. Why do they matter? Because they undermine wealth-creation in more ways than we can count. Today I discuss one way that negative judgments about others undermine your business, and one way that negative judgments about yourself undermine your body.

TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to Rich & Thin™ Radio, the only podcast that helps serious entrepreneurs earn more and weigh less. I’m Kelly Hollingsworth and I’m glad you’re here because today we are going to talk about negative judgments—what they are, and two ways that they negatively affect your wealth—one with your business and the other with your body.

What is a judgment?

First, let’s talk about what is it judgment. Here the definitions are fascinating. A judgment is the result of judging something or someone, and to judge someone or something means to, “quickly form a bias and/or a personal opinion about someone or something.” That’s the process. The judging part is where we quickly form of bias or personal opinion without really thinking about it.

But the strange thing is that when output of the process occurs, it’s called a judgment. And the definition of a judgment is “a decision or opinion about someone that you form after thinking carefully.”

Why do I think this is so fascinating? Because this is exactly how we treat our personal opinions and biases. We form them very quickly, with very little thought, that’s the judging part, and then when the result of that process of formation is lodged in our heads, we treat it very seriously, as if it is the product of some very careful thinking and deliberation.

And this matter a lot, because our judgments that we take so seriously, when they’re negative, undermine our wealth. I’m going to get to that in a second, but first I want to tell you what a negative judgment is.

A negative judgment is a derogatory decision or opinion that you form about someone or something, quickly, without a great deal of thought, and in a biased way, and then that you attach a great deal of importance to.

Negative judgments have a gargantuan effect on our wealth. How does this happen? They undermine our wealth-building in too many ways to count, but today I’ll discuss two. First I’m going to talk about how negative judgment of others affects your business, and then I’ll talk about how negative judgment of yourself affects your body.

Negative Judgments Undermine Your Business

There’s a great scene in the movie Jerry Maguire that flashes back to Jerry Maguire’s mentor, the “late, great Dickie Fox,” and the scene focuses on Dickie Fox sitting at his desk, clapping his hands, and saying, “Unless you love everybody, you can’t sell anybody.”

And oh, my friends, how true this is. I don’t care who you are or what you do, if you are looking at your prospective customers from a place of negative judgment, they will not buy from you. Why not?

Because what is negative judgment? It’s an assessment that the person you have the negative judgment about is less than capable. It’s an opinion that they can’t create what you’ve created. It’s a thought that on some level, they’re a loser and they don’t want to, or they are incapable of, improving their situation.

This thought on your part is fatal to your business. I see it in the hedge fund managers I work with. They make a crapton of money trading for themselves. But when it comes time to accepting customers, many of them look at the customers who want to give them money and think, “You can’t handle this. I can handle what I do, because I’m different from you, but this is risky and it’s not for you. It’s only for people like me.”

Never mind that these prospective customers often have both the willingness and ability to afford the risk, and they want to try to profit from the assumption of that risk. The negative judgment about the prospective customer and what that customer is capable of understanding, tolerating, and handling prevents the hedge fund manager from even approaching the customer. Or if the customer approaches the hedge fund manager, the hedge fund manager says, “No, this isn’t for you.”

And I see the same thing with my clients who are coaches. Coaches who should have six-and seven-figure businesses because they are shining examples of what is possible through causal coaching sometimes don’t have any clients, and when I ask them, “Why aren’t you making any offers to people who need help?,” the answer is, “I just look at them and I know that they’re not capable of doing this.”

Maybe it’s a weight-loss coach who has an amazing body and who looks at somebody with not-an-amazing body, and the coach is thinking, Wow, you really are fat and you’re not anyone I would ever work with, because you’re not going to get results.

I see the same thing happen with lawyers. One time I was talking with a disenchanted criminal defense attorney, and he said, “Kelly, the difference between your clients and my clients is my clients ask me, after the fact, after they’ve done something, is this illegal? Your clients ask you if something is illegal before they do it.”

You get what you think my friends. If you think your clients are dumb, you will only get dumb clients. If you think that the people around you are incapable of availing themselves of the thing that has made your life so amazing, and the thing that you are ostensibly offering in your business, whether it’s the ability to speculate in the futures markets as a commodity trading advisor, or the ability to manage your mind and create an amazing result in your life because you’re a causal coach, you won’t have any clients. You won’t have any, because instead of making offers to help them, you’ll just be sitting there silently dripping venomous judgment about the people around you.

To the extent I’ve been successful in my life, I attribute it to the fact that I don’t judge. Anyone can achieve an amazing result if they manage their mind and get out of their own way. One of the big messages I want to convey to everyone with this show is that wealth is available to you. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care where you come from. I don’t care what your IQ is. I don’t care what your background is or where you went to school. There is a business available to you that will put you and your family on a foundation of financial safety and success if you have the cognitive ability to calculate that 5 – 3 = 2.

I don’t talk about this very often, but I passed the CPA exam about a hundred years ago, it was so long ago you couldn’t even use a calculator, and lots of people say to me, “I’m terrible at complicated math. I could never do anything like that.” And to this I say, “So am I.”  Business accounting is not complicated math. One of my most wealthiest friends, a friend who has inherited wealth, describes it this way. His ancestor who made the family fortune in industry, used to say to my friend, “Son, business is easy. Every day you go to work and you open up the mail and you put the bills on one side of the desk and the checks on the other side. If the checks total up to more than the bills, you go to lunch. And if the bills are more than the checks, you go to work.”

Anyone who is capable of doing that simple math is capable of being an entrepreneur. This is not rocket science, my friends, but there are multiple and very distinct cause-and-effect aspects of entrepreneurship, and one of them is that if you don’t think that people are capable of availing themselves of the thing you offer and using it effectively or enjoying it as you enjoy it, you will have very few customers. You will be challenged in attracting customers.

Negative Judgements Undermine Your Body

And just as negative judgments don’t work in business, they don’t work in our own lives, either.

Here’s an example from my life. I had a revelation recently. My husband and I are getting ready to take a trip to New York, and I was thinking back and remembering what it was like to live and work there, and I found myself saying, to my husband, out loud, “That’s when I was successful.”

I was talking about this with Adriane the other day. And I realized that I’ve been thinking of “New York” me as a winner, and “Idaho” me as a loser.

What? I know. It sounds so judgmental I almost want to laugh when I think about it. And I realized as Adriane and I were talking that this thought was super strong for me, but consciously I hadn’t even realized it was there. And the more I talked about it with Adriane, the more I realized how much it was affecting me. It’s been keeping me at home, this thought that I’m a loser. I haven’t been going out into the world in Idaho, and I told Adriane that I’ve felt starved for contact and connection, and that, I realized, was a big reason I gained weight last year. I’ve been feeling starved for one thing, and feeding that hunger with Ben & Jerry’s instead of something that would really fill the void.

So that was a huge awakening. This trip I’m taking to New York will be an interesting exercise, because although, as Adriane pointed out, I’m still me whether I’m in Idaho or New York, I have different thoughts about myself in New York vs. Idaho. So my assignment in New York is to send Adriane the thoughts I’m thinking that are different than the Idaho thoughts, so I can practice staying in my “New York thought paradigm all the time, even when I’m back here in Idaho.

Because, and I’m sure this is no surprise based on what I’ve said, my New York weight is much lower than my Idaho weight, and especially the Idaho weight I’m at right now. When I lived in New York, I had thigh gap. Every time I think about this I envision that angels are hovering around my head singing an aria, but in any case, what I hope you’re gleaning from this is that if you’re feeling judgmental about others or yourself, if you’re holding negative judgments on others or yourself, that’s going to undermine your business and your body in ways that you’re probably not even aware of.

Takeaways from this Episode: Clean up your negative judgments!

If your body isn’t where you want it to be right now, I can almost promise that you have some of this going on with yourself. If your business isn’t where you want it to be right now, I can say the same thing—you almost certainly have some negative judgments going on regarding others who could be prospective customers but whom you’re ruling out based on how you are thinking about them.

The second thing I hope you’re gleaning from this is that our negative judgments are merely a collection of thoughts. “I’m a loser” is a thought. Not a very productive one, and what do we know about our thoughts? We make them come true through our feelings and our actions. So when I think the thought, I’m a loser, how do I feel? I feel like a loser. I feel loser-ly. I’m not sure it’s in the dictionary, but I think we all know what that feels like. And what I feel loser-oh why, what do I do? I hang out with Cherry Garcia, and the result is I lose. I miss out on connecting with really smart people and really fun people who would be super great to hang around with, and I create the situation of losing in my life.

Exactly the same thing happens with our negative judgments about other people. If you’re thinking, they can’t do this, and you’re a weight loss coach, what’s the result? They can’t do this, because while you’re sitting there thinking negative thoughts about whoever’s right in front of you and who’s struggling with their what are you not doing? You’re not making offers. You’re not helping them. And then you create the exact result that you’re envisioning in your brain. They can’t do this.

Same thing happens with hedge fund managers. If they are thinking, that person doesn’t have the money I have. From that place of negative judgments, what do they do? They don’t make offers. They don’t let that person participate in their trading program, even if the person has the willingness and ability to do so. And what’s the result? That person doesn’t have the money that the hedge fund manager has, because while the hedge fund manager is making money because his money is in his trading program earning bank, the other person has been left out of the party. They’re not making money.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You get what you think. So if you’re making negative judgments about yourself, those negative judgments will be showing up in your life. If you’re making negative judgments about other people, those negative judgments will be showing up in their lives, because you won’t be helping them with the solutions that you offer in the marketplace.

So we’ve got to clean up our thinking, my friends. If you can do this on your own, terrific. If you can’t, you need a coach. And p.s., no one can do this on their own because if we could do it we wouldn’t have this problem anymore, whatever broke and bulky problem it is that you’re suffering from. So if you need help, email me, kelly@richandthin.com and we can chat and see if there’s a fit.

So that’s what I have for you this week. This is going to be our only episode this week because as I’m recording this episode, my husband and I are getting ready to take our trip to New York. We will be back by the time this episode airs, but I will be thinking of you while I am away and I hope you’re thinking of me, too.

The last thing I want to share with you today is, no one has yet left a review of the podcast for the February 25 drawing in which I’m giving away one free DVD of A Star is Born for every Oscar that movie receives at the Academy Awards on the 24th of February. What should I make of this? No one likes that movie? No one likes the podcast? I don’t know. The listener base for the podcast is growing, so I’m going to assume you like the podcast, and I can only assume that you like the movie because it’s amazing, in which case, please go and leave a review of the podcast in iTunes/Apple Podcasts, email a screenshot of the review to me, kelly@richandthin.com, and you just might be the person who wins a copy of the DVD in the drawing. If you are the only person to enter a review, you will win all the copies that I give away that day. So get your little keister out there and leave a review. It would make me so happy I can’t even tell you. Actually my thoughts about it would make me so happy, but I think you get the idea.

Thank you ever so much for being here. Thank you ever so much for leaving a review and entering the drawing if you do that, and I so appreciate having you as a listener and I look forward to connecting with you next week when we will resume our regularly scheduled programming of a business episode on Tuesday and a body episode on Thursday.

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